Dim Sum Dialogue

Graphics by Madison Vucci.

Growing up, I remember my mom waking us up early on weekend mornings to go out to dim sum with my grandparents. My brother and I would groggily get ready and get into the car, and we’d all drive about an hour to the dim sum place. Once we got there, it was like a tiny family reunion, even though we see that side of the family all the time. Then we would all go inside, sit down, pour tea, eat, and have a good time. Thinking back to it now, I kind of took moments like those for granted.

I never realized back then that those cultural moments would mean so much to me in the future.

Things like dim sum, boba, Chinese New Year, etc. were always the norm for me. Plus, a lot of my friends in high school were Asian, so it was a given that people would know what I was talking about when Asian topics were brought up. 

I grew up in the Bay Area and my school district was majority Asian. I moved down to San Diego this year for college; and although I knew it was a whiter area — it still came as a shock when I showed up to orientation and just saw a sea of blonde-white girls.

Although I still go to a school in California — where it’s much more diverse than other places — it was still weird to move somewhere that is less Asian.

It was the first time where I was really hit by the reality that Asians are a minority — even though I’ve known it my whole life. 

Luckily, it’s been easy enough for me to find other Asian people because of clubs like the Vietnamese Student Association (VSA) and the Asian Pacific Islander Student Association (APSA). These clubs made connecting with other Asian people easy even in a “whiter” area. My dorm also houses all of the culture-based learning communities so I’m very lucky that diversity is kind of just around me.

Even though I live in a diverse dorm and am part of Asian-American clubs, it’s still weird when I talk to people and they don’t know what dim sum is, or have never tried boba. Those things were staples for me back in the Bay Area; everyone got boba after school or during lunch, and it was common to see people going to dim sum or other Asian restaurants. 

My mom came down one weekend and we took some of my friends to dim sum, most of whom had never had or heard of dim sum. I was initially worried because I didn’t know if it would be awkward having my mom meet all my college friends or if people would like the food, but it ended up going really well. It was heart-warming to see everyone talk and joke around and try foods they had never tried before.

It really encapsulated what dim sum is supposed to do: bring people together.

I think I’ve always struggled with my Asian identity. I don’t know Cantonese very well because I pushed it away as a kid; past friends have half-joked about me being whitewashed; and being mixed just makes it hard to figure out where I fall.

I always thought that the idea of not feeling Asian enough didn’t apply to me, but now I look back on my younger self and I’m able to see that I didn’t feel Asian enough. It kind of hurts to think back to how people would just say I was white-washed without a second thought because we were in middle school, or to think about how I would always kind of feel bad about myself for not being in the advanced math class because everyone kind of just assumed that I was.

I wish I could tell my past self that no one gets to determine how Asian you are, and that you’re still valid even if you don’t fit every box.

Weirdly enough, being in a place like San Diego, where I have to look for other Asian people a little harder, is helping me figure out who I am more. Obviously, that’s just what college does, but it’s like I’ve found an Asian community that truly gets me. One that I fit into. I don’t feel like I’m being shamed for “not being Asian enough;” and whenever I meet another mixed person, it always feels like a bonding moment to talk about what our mix is.

I still have a long way to go in the journey of accepting myself, but I think I’m on the right path. There are still days when I feel bad about myself for not knowing Cantonese or for being less connected to my culture, but being in a place where there are people who have minimal exposure to Asian things gives me an opportunity to share my culture and simultaneously, makes me closer to it.